I have been dealing with this for such a long time but it wasn’t until recently when I realized I am the best advocate for myself because some medical personnel like to attribute it to depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, etc. It is definitely easier to slap a mental health diagnosis on someone rather than doing the hard work and truly making a difference. I’m going off track now but my point is…it wasn’t until the last 2-3 years when I noticed my quality of life drastically diminish…along with so-called friends.
Not only was I feeling physically and mentally useless but then my “friends” slowly starting fading until they were gone without a peep! Sure, I wasn’t able to go out as much as them as I was also in school and working. I take my education and career very seriously and it is not something I just do on scheduled days…I take pride in my work and the effort I put forth so yeah, I would much rather use my time productively rather than go to a bar, drink something I didn’t even want to, and leave before them because I am “lame”. Hey, I guess if I’m lame I am being productive in doing so!
I have no idea why I have been extremely upset about them walking out of my life because obviously they weren’t really there to begin with…it was all a facade and did not really matter to them. I will tell you why I am upset…because I do know that…what I really don’t know is why it is bothering me after so much time has passed. I am truly upset about the whole thing because they walked out and didn’t even allow me to get closure. For walking out on me as if the last 15 years never happened was as easy as they proved it to be, I think they could have given me 5-10 minutes, right?
The thing is…miserable people will attract misery. And as much as I’ve been through, I am beyond grateful to be writing this in hopes it could touch someone else’s life and help realize they’re not alone. We don’t need people in our lives just because we want friends or we don’t want to feel lonely because I am pretty sure many people would still have that feeling of loneliness even with those “friends”. Please…always be true to yourself and believe in yourself. You are the only one that matters because what others think are subjective and may change on a weekly basis depending on who they are. At the end of the day, you are the one that has to be in that skin…don’t make it uncomfortable because of a little loneliness that is more or less a temporary feeling for many.
“No one gets out alive…every day is do or die…the one thing you leave behind is how did you love…how did you love…” – Shinedown